Plutonic

prologue
i’m sick of this. i don’t know where should i go. did i lost my direction? i feel like i live in an illusion world. my ‘own world’. a maze. i’m still search ’someone’ who will guide me. i’m still search ’someone’ who will drag me from all this, and lead me to reality. lately i barely has any feeling. happy and sad. they are no differences at all for me. sometimes, i think deeply, “what is my purpose here? is it to annihilate the earth like Saiyan people?” hehe. just kidding.

chapter 1
sometimes. i feel like, “being no. 2 is fine for me” or “i don’t have to be like them”. it’s because, I’M RAQIB. I HAVE MY OWN PRINCIPLE OF LIFE, but, people, is say it again… PEOPLE like to compare someone with anyone else. it’s not wrong because sometimes it motivate that people, but, I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE COMPARE ME WITH SOMEONE ELSE. it’s make my morale down. unhappy.

chapter 2
were all my decision correct? no…not all correct. why? because i’m just a mere human being. not perfect like our prophet. our prophet and his comrades are peoples that we should follow. let’s think.
KEJAYAAN SAYA DAN KEJAYAAN TUAN-TUAN SEMUA TERLETAK DALAM AGAMA.
what is our faith and belief. ISLAM. yes, ISLAM. but many MUSLIMS nowadays don’t feel like they are MUSLIMS. just look at their behaviour. it’s sorry to see many our ‘RELATIVES’ involved in bad things (maksiat). it’s sorry.

ok then

it seems that my ‘world’ is different from my fiends.
what is my ‘world’ all about?
besides study and do my responsible, my world is all about:
1.anime,

why i love anime rather than live drama series? it’s because i think, sometimes drama series have explicit content and the hero is not as tough as anime character. Also, drama series sometimes have superpower that is not logic to people. I must admit that anime is not logic, but …alang2 nak tengok citer merepek lebih baik tengok benda yang lagi merepek.

2.musics,

yes, music is my world. the lyrics below describe what music is to me…

From all the drugs the one I like is Music
From all the junks the one I need more is Music
From all the boys the one I take home is Music
From all the ladies the one I kiss is Music

Music is My Boyfriend
Music is My Girlfriend
Music is My Dead end
Music is My Imaginary friend
Music is My Brother
Music is My Great grand-daughter
Music is My Sister
Music is My Favorite mistress

From all the Shit the one I gotta buy is Music
From all the Jobs the one I choose is Music
From all the Drinks the one I get drunk is Music
From all the Bitches the one I wannabe is Music

Music is My beach house
Music is My hometown
Music is My kingsize bed
Music is where I make my friends
Music is My hot hot bath
Music is My hot hot sex
Music is My back rub
My Music is where Id like you to touch

3.games,

of course. from child-like game such as pokemon to matured game such as final fantasy, i like them all. playing game change my way of thinking. why? because people want to win missions, so they need to be creative in order to win and beat the game. playing games also teach me patience. huhu…

4.apple

it’s not an ordinary apple. it’s not a fruit. it has the world fastest web browser. it’s has the fastest and advance operating system. it has the world thinnest laptop. and lots more. yes, it’s Apple Inc. Apple gadgets, hardware and software is always gorgeous and awesome.

5.toys.

don’t be misunderstand. toys are not for children only, nowadays! I like action figures, robots like gundam, transformers and many more…

that’s all…

pehh…cun giler minah tu…
seksi siot…
kalo boleh, ko nak pilih yang mana satu…
dia tu asyik 2kar awek je…(if only)
etc…
tu lah yang orang lelaki selalu bualkan…(normally…but not me…buang masa je nak cakap pasal pompuan).
Aku tanya kat diri aku balik…
Cantik? Memang aku nk yang cantik…
Tapi aku tengok kat sekeliling aku semua pompuan cantik2.
Takkan aku nak semua…(hehehe..)
Mana boleh…aku bukan ahli Arqam or Rufaqa’
Lagi satu hal, aku suka dengar pompuan berbual pasal diri diorang…(aku curi2 dengar je la).
Macam2 diorang cakap…

Aku fikir punye fikir…dan dapatlah kesimpulan…
Sebenarnya setiap orang itu cantik…
maksud aku, setiap orang mempunyai sesuatu nilai dalam diri mereka yang dapat menyerlahkan diri mereka…
selain tu, diorang cantik/smart dengan cara diorang sendiri, tak perlu la nk jadi cam orang lain…APA KEJADAHNYE NAK JADI CAM ORANG LAIN…

My mind/heart always whispers to me…”you are smart as the way you are”

aku ni sekarang tinggal setahun setengah lagi je nak habis belajar. pastu dah nak kerja. bab kerja n belajar ni pada aku ok la sebab insya ALLAH aku kene kerja ngan PETRONAS… tu aku kurang sikit risau nyer.

tapi yang aku agak risau adalah pasal KAHWIN… hehehe
kalau bab memilih jodoh ni aku agak lembab kalau nak dibandingkan dengan adik - beradik aku yang lain. kawan2 aku pun lebih advance…. hahaha (jangan ada yang perasan yer).

segan aku nak cakap,
tapi secara realitinye aku ni agak pemalu n segan…
aku tak pandai nak luahkan perasaan terhadap orang yang aku suka. aku rasa kaku n kekok. jantung berdegup agak kencang kalau orang yang aku suka berada berhampiran. nakper yer?
dah la tak nak luahkan, aku ni selalu memendam perasaan. teruk betul! tak gentleman ke aku ni?
aku seperti melepaskan peluang.
kalau analoginye kira macam ” striker that wasted his opportunity to score ”

tu satu hal,
pastu aku ni tak pandai nak pilih orang yang sesuai. huhuhu…
aku kalau boleh nak orang tu mak n ayah aku suka jugak.
tak nak la nanti mak n ayah aku tak senang nanti… hehehe

tu je la kot…
ni aku cakap betol2 ni…
bukan main2. ni pasal masa depan ni woi…
aku ni pun agak malu sebenarnye, tapi nakper aku confess kat korang hah?
malunye aku…

for the first month, i was still ok with konvo, but weeks later i couldn’t give my commitment to konvo. i was seldomly went to the office, and escape from meeting. i don’t know why? it looked like there was something separate me and konvo. things became complicated for me when the head called me over, and asked me if i’d problem. and again i don’t know what to say. after being advised, i was ok, but it happened again. what came accross my mind was only… I WANT TO QUIT! i can’t get along with other ajk. i feel lonely when i went to the office. i’d said to the head that i want to quit, but my request had been rejected. So, i continued as the member of konvo reluctantly.

it’s been so long since my last post, i think. this time i want to share with all about me and pesta konvo.

……….i’ve join the committee since my very first year in ukm. at that time i was only the ajkp. it’s only a little while i became the ajkp, and i really enjoyed myself. i met people and made new friends. after i entered new semester, i’d been offered a post as assistant of financial manager. i was stunned but yet very happy. never cross in my mind that i would become one of the high committe members.

Last night i have a very sad dream
in my dream,
my mom was crying
she’s been waiting for me for along time
but i never come
then
as i was on my way to my room
there was an announcement
”Attention to Muhammad Raqib please come to the department centre, your mother is waiting for you”
upon listening to that announcement,
i quickly ran to get my mom,
i don’t know how tell it in words
but
it was really touching me

after solat subuh this morning
i recalled that dream
and what happened here is
i cried

what i have done,
did i forger my family,
i asked that myself,

now i feel
like want to be by her side
i don’t want to make
her crying for me
i really love her
forever, eternally
even in the world hereafter

today is a fine, funny, exhausted day for me.
my day start early at 6.30…
i really hope that it could be a better day.
everything seem to be alright until 10 a.m when i came in to lecture.
i start to feel sleepy…
i try to put my concentration on the lesson…
but it is hard…
after finish lecture,
i called my scholarship company, because there was no answer, i leave a message.
then, i went back to my room, watching one episode of anime just to rejuvenate myself from being sleepy but i failed again.
about 20 minutes from time for the next class at 12. i took a nap. i awoke when someone was calling me, my sponsor. he called me at about 11.52. it was a quite long conversation. the clock show it was already 12.05.
i’ve been late for 5 minutes.

then, i thinked, wore shoes or slipper.
without hesitate, i put on my slipper and rush to class.
the lecture has begun when i step in the room.
as i walk to my seat,
the lecturer stop his lecture and my other friends watch at me.
some of them laughing, smiling, etc.
when i’d my seat, the lecturer said to the audience,
‘kasut dia special sikit’…
then the students start laughing loudly.

you know why?
it’s because my slipper make noise.

you know what i do?
just have slumber face with no expression like there is nothing happen to the world.
i feel like a ’special’ person because everybody attracts to me for a while.
i think nobody had done this before in my class.
i’m the first i think.
ahahah

assalamualaikum w.b.t

bismillahirrahmannirrahim…

firstly i’ve to admit that i’m incomplete.

kita semua selalu berdoa supaya ilmu dan rezaki yang diperolehi mendapat keberkatan ALLAH s.w.t.

akan tetapi sejauh mana usaha kita ke arahnya.

semasa pensyarah mengajar di depah dewan kuliah,

kita sibuk ulangkaji, siapkan kerja, berbual, dll.

i admit that sometimes i feel sleepy during lectures,

but i’ve try my best to concentrate on the lecturers’ explanation,

because i know although i don’t even understand them, i’ve to try to concentrate.

the reason is i want to get the ‘keberkatan ilmu dan termasuk dalam senarai dalam doa pensyarah’.

this is only my view.

the other thing is ‘keberkatan rezeki’

do we realized what are we doing during exam?

try to cheat, copy answer, and other things.

do we know that our action can affect us one day?

let’s see

for example a person who always cheating during exam.

whether they succeed or not, they’ll get a permanent job base on their qualification and exam grade.

i want to ask do their ‘rezeki berkat’?

i should answer it NO.

kerana segala rezeki yang dia dapat itu berpunca daripada keputusan yang diperoleh dalam peperiksaan…

… dan semasa peperiksaan dia menipu dan selalu meniru.

adakah kita nak bagi makan kepada mak bapak, anak bini kita dengan rezeki yang tidak berkat?

orang2 selalu pesan TEPUK DADA TANYA IMAN jangan tanya selera kerana selera ikut nafsu.

kesimpulannya KAWAL NAFSU kita.

i know we all want a good result for our exam paper. i’ve to admit it.

but sometimes there is some questions we don’t know the answer, and we worried.

but what is our next step. STEP will determine our fate in the FUTURE.

for me if i don’t know the answer, be calm firstly, be patient and try to recall it back. baca SELAWAT.

if we still don’t get it what can we do.

remember SETIAP SESUATU YANG BERLAKU ITU PASTI ADA HIKMAH yang terselindung.

it doesn’t matter if i got low mark because it just NUMBER, and it is not more than just a variable depend on our EFFORTS.

ok then.

assalamualaikum…

bismillahirrahmannirrahim

setiap kali aku ke tempat baru aku selalu merasakan semua orang disekelilingku hebat2 belaka.

tak kisahlah hebat dari segi apa.

tapi asalkan mendatangkan faedah.

aku selalu meletakkan diriku di petak belakang sekali…

kerana aku merasakan diriku ‘is not good enough for that’

sometimes i’m jealous to someone who is better than me,

more skillful and have another specialties that i don’t posses,

but at last it seem alright for me because everyone has their own talent and ’special power’ right?

we, human is not perfect…

we need each other to make our life better.

about education, i always hope that someone is smarter than me,

who can ask question to the lecturer,

who can give opinion,

and anything that can make my mood at high level,

because when someone ask a lecturer about something they don’t understand,

i will try to listen carefully the lecturer’s explanation.

i love to listen.

because sometimes i don’t know what to ask…

and sometimes misread something.